#captureyourgrief day 21: sacred space

The day Everett was born into this world was the hardest day of my life. I could not stomach the thought of being away from him. My head, my heart, and my body all told me I had just brought a precious life into this world and my motherly instinct would not let me see it any other way. I knew deep down that Everett had already left his body, but the thought of burying him in the ground somewhere we could be thousands of miles away from in a few years literally made my stomach churn, and still does to this day. Call it what you will, but neither his Daddy nor I could bear the thought of arranging a funeral, picking out a casket, or buying a plot for our angel. We just couldn’t and I don’t know that we ever will. We chose to cremate our precious son’s body and keep his ashes with us until we leave this world; to be entombed with his family when our time on this Earth comes to an end.

Everett’s ashes now lay inside an urn tucked tightly into a bear we made at Build a Bear on our honeymoon. A bear that has been by Jack and Lucas’ side since the day they were born and included in their newborn photos. A bear that has played a special part in our lives even before it became our 3rd son’s final resting place. A bear we now lovingly refer to as our “Everett Bear”. Our Everett Bear sits on Mommy’s nightstand and is a physical reminder of the Guardian Angel watching over our family awaiting the day when we can all be together again.

Our choice to cremate Everett left us without a grave or physical marker to go to in order to feel his presence. We needed that; a place to go to to be with Everett; to pray for him, read him stories, talk to him, and sit in his presence. As we planned Everett’s memorial we decided we wanted to build something that could easily come with us if our family ever moved. We’ve had an old wishing well in our yard since the day we bought our house and have been talking about redoing it ever since. What a perfect way to memorialize our son. We stained, painted, an re-roofed the wishing well, made it into Everett’s wishing well; a place we place our wishes for our son. Everett’s statue sits on the ledge of his wishing well and inside sits a pot of forget me nots we planted in his memory. Beside Everett’s wishing well sits the prayer flag our family and friends made for him at his memorial.

This is our sacred space; our spot to “be” with our baby boy. Everett’s memorial proudly sits in our front yard by the hedges that line our house. It is the first thing you see when you come to the King household; a constant reminder of his presence in our home, in our lives, and in our family. 

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