I’ll always wonder

I’ll always wonder what you’d look like. Who you would’ve been. What your life would’ve turned out to be if you were here with us; a rolly polly six month old trying so hard to keep up with your brothers, but I’ve finally accepted that those days will never come. I’ll never see you grow along side your brothers; tagging along in their mischief and keeping Mommy on her toes. I’ve finally realized that’s okay. These are the cards we were dealt and dwelling on the what ifs and the could’ve beens will only hurt us all.

I’ve let go of the pain, the anger, the guilt. I’ve emptied it all into the trash and focused on creating a legacy you’d be proud of; a legacy full of love and light and hope.

I long for the glorious day that I meet you in Heaven and hold you in my arms again. Will you have grown alongside your brothers? Will I miss your baby years or will I hold you in my arms as if you’d never left? Will you have Mommy’s eyes like your brothers? Daddy’s ears? Grandpa’s nose? So many questions I’ll have to wait a lifetime to have answered.

Here’s to hoping a lifetime passes by in a blink of an eye for you and I get to hold my sweet baby in my arms again one glorious day in Heaven.

Until we meet again.

Everett’s Mommy

We survived

Life gives you two choices when you suffer a tragedy: give up or survive.

I woke up this morning and realized, WE SURVIVED.

Somehow.

Someway. 

By God’s grace.

We survived.

The Holidays have came to and end, 2016 has begun, 2015 is over and here we are as a family, not completely whole, but not completely broken either. We made it to the other side of our first Holiday season without you. We survived.

Here’s to surviving without you baby boy. God only knows I’d rather have you here by my side, but for now, for the rest of my days in this lifetime, I’ll survive.

-Everett’s Mommy

 

 

2016: bring it on. 

We’ve been through it all this year; I mean really been put through the trenches. There aren’t words for the pain and heartache our family has seen in 2015, but we survived & for you, for them, for us, for me I will do so much more than that this year.

Because of you I now live a life defined by love and have a drive and purpose like I’ve never know before. That’s what happens when you lose someone you love with your entire heart, your entire soul, with everything you are and everything you have yet to become. You break. But then, when the time is right, you mend and you arise stronger than you’ve ever been before.

I look forward to another year here on this Earth, even if it means another year without you in my arms.

So bring it on 2016; give me your best shot.

-Everett’s Mommy