I’ll always wonder

I’ll always wonder what you’d look like. Who you would’ve been. What your life would’ve turned out to be if you were here with us; a rolly polly six month old trying so hard to keep up with your brothers, but I’ve finally accepted that those days will never come. I’ll never see you grow along side your brothers; tagging along in their mischief and keeping Mommy on her toes. I’ve finally realized that’s okay. These are the cards we were dealt and dwelling on the what ifs and the could’ve beens will only hurt us all.

I’ve let go of the pain, the anger, the guilt. I’ve emptied it all into the trash and focused on creating a legacy you’d be proud of; a legacy full of love and light and hope.

I long for the glorious day that I meet you in Heaven and hold you in my arms again. Will you have grown alongside your brothers? Will I miss your baby years or will I hold you in my arms as if you’d never left? Will you have Mommy’s eyes like your brothers? Daddy’s ears? Grandpa’s nose? So many questions I’ll have to wait a lifetime to have answered.

Here’s to hoping a lifetime passes by in a blink of an eye for you and I get to hold my sweet baby in my arms again one glorious day in Heaven.

Until we meet again.

Everett’s Mommy

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