Our Angels are everywhere

When our oldest son, Jack was barely a few months old he experienced his first death in the family. A close cousin of mine passed in a very untimely manner. To lose such a vibrant life at such a young age rocked our family to the core and sent us all racing towards Colorado to be together and support each other through the time of grief that followed. In the days following her death we spent a lot of time with her family in her childhood home and I spent much of that time longing and wishing for my cousin back so that she could meet our first born and hold him in her arms as she’d hoped to do.

The afternoon after our final goodbye to her I laid Jack down in a pack and play in her Dad’s study. I still remember this moment like it was yesterday; sitting in the dinner room with her family and mine and hearing Jack laughing, and I mean really laughing, at just a few months old. I rushed over to the study to try and capture the moment on camera for his Daddy and peaked into the room to see him laying in his pack and play reaching towards the ceiling laughing and wiggling like he was playing with someone. In that moment, peace rushed over me, and I knew in my heart that Jack was meeting his 2nd cousin for the first time just as we had both wanted. This moment is one I will forever hold dear to my heart; I will always remember the peace I felt in the presence of an Angel.

There have been so many moments since we lost Everett where I’ve longed for a sign like this from above. To feel his presence here on Earth with us and more often than not seeing his brothers playing without him often breaks my heart and sends tears streaming down my face; intensifying my longing for their brother like nothing else can. Like any mother who’s lost a child, I dream of the day my boys get to meet their youngest brother and I get to hold all three of my boys in my arms and experience what our life would’ve been like had Everett lived.

Last night, I got to experience a glimpse into that future with Everett’s brother Lucas before I ever thought possible. Hearing Lucas laugh, play, and giggle while he was suppose to be sleeping is no anomaly, but hearing him speak his brother’s name is a sound I’ve never been blessed with; he often points to our Everett Bear or snuggles him tight and almost religiously chants, “Bubba, bubba, bubba”, but never have I heard Everett’s name come out of Lucas’ mouth. So, of course, as soon as I heard this I immediately grabbed the monitor from my bed side table and watched as Lucas seemingly played with a sibling only he could see. I watched as he tickled thin air laughing hysterically as he did so. I watched as he shared his beloved Mickey with a brother only he could see. I watched as he talked and shared with Everett and felt the same peace I experienced at my cousin’s house after she had gained her wings wash over me as tears of joy filled my eyes.

This experience could’ve been many things, but I choose to believe the scene I witnessed through Lucas’ video monitor was his baby brother checking in on him.  I felt his presence, his peace wash over me. There were no bright neon signs flashing “Angel”, but my eyes were open and I know what I witnessed. I truly believe our Angels are everywhere if we just open our hearts, and our minds to witnessing their presence in our lives.

Everett’s Mommy